


Your stare was holding

by mx-fawkes (SkippingCitrus)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Trans Junkrat, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-07-22 06:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7422682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkippingCitrus/pseuds/mx-fawkes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mako's used to the staring, the laughter. But god, he'd thought people asking him out as a joke would have stopped once he was out of highschool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this tumblr post : makorutledgebuttavenger.tumblr.com/post/146904438186/yazzdonut-sweet-roadrat-hs-au-fic-under-the-cut 
> 
> which hit way too close to home and gave me feelings. 
> 
> Warning for poor self body image?

The first time they meet is at the gym.   
Mako's in the ring, wrestling with a woman with pink hair and arms like steel. She has him pinned to the mat, her girlfriend cheering her on from the side as he fights to get up. It's impossible, from what she's told him she'd been on wrestling teams since early high school, and he's only been doing it for the past few months. 

He'd signed up in the hope of losing weight. He didn't dare go to any of the clubs back in high school but he's had enough of being mocked for his weight for the next several lifetimes. It's not working. He's no slimmer than when he started, the workouts just adding more muscle and bulk to his already heavy frame. 

He taps out and goes limp, hearing the cheer from beside the ring before Zarya lets him go. They both stand, breathing heavily and shining with sweat. She claps him on the shoulder, congratulates him on the effort before leaving. 

He takes a moment to stretch before following, turning and noticing one of the other students watching him. Blond, skinny, doesn't seem to actually be here to train, just leaning against the wall and staring at him. It takes him a second to realise why the guy hasn't noticed him staring back. The guy isn't looking at his face, he's just staring at his body with a weird expression, gnawing at his lip. 

Mako feels the rush of self-consciousness hit him, face burning as he leaves the ring, deliberately looking away from the guy as he heads for the showers. He'd usually stay longer, spend some times on the machines but now he just wants to leave. 

He sees him again on the way out, chattering with a guy he vaguely recognises from around the college. His stomach clenches as the blond spots him, hitting his friend in the shoulder and pointing him out. He pretends not to notice, keeping his face neutral and staring straight ahead until he's out of the building. 

Fucking asshole. 

-

He starts noticing the guy after that, they don't share any of the same classes but seem to be on a similar schedule, frequently crossing paths in the college's large courtyard or seeing each other grabbing coffee before an early class. He’s not sure what he’s studying, he’s seen him in various outfits from the boiler suits the mechanic students wear to the bleach clean labcoats they sell in the school shop. 

It's bad enough when the guy notices him back, not even bothering to hide his staring. It's worse when one of the two he hangs around with notices him first, always pointing him out to the blond. And laughing. Why the hell are they always laughing at him? As far as he knows he's never spoken to either of them before, a short guy with dreads and a girl he's never seen not wearing pink. 

Eventually the guy finally approaches him, running over to him in the courtyard and blocking the path to his next class. "Hey. You're Mako, right?" He nods, the guy's smile a little unnerving up close. "You wanna go out sometime?"   
He glances around, seeing the other two sitting on a nearby bench, trying to pretend that they aren't watching and failing miserably. And oh yes he knows this game, giggling kids pushed away from their friends to come over and ask him out, or tell him he was cute, or say their friends had a crush on him.   
Any reaction usually just resulted in more laughter, and soon enough he learned it was easier to just ignore it, pretend it didn't affect him. Really though, he'd thought this sort of thing would stop once he was out of high school. The blond's still standing there, waiting for some sort of reaction. 

He's saved by the beeping of his phone, warning him his next class is about to start. He walks past, not bothering to reply. There's silence behind him for a second, then a clatter as the guy runs to catch up with him. "So, my name's Jamison Fawkes." 

Mako decides to just blank him, hope he'll give up soon. "I've kinda been seeing you around, and you seem to be on your own a lot, do you, wanna hang out sometime?" He waits for a response, not taking his eyes off Mako and nearly crashing into a doorway as he tries to follow him into the building. "Just think about it yeah?" He shoves a piece of paper into Mako's hands before running off.   
Mako watches him leave before looking down at the scrap of paper. It has a phone number scrawled on it, along with a doodle of a smiley face. He shoves it into a pocket, heading to his usual seat at the back of the room and waiting for the tutor to arrive.

Four hours later finds him back at home, paper in one hand, phone in the other. He wants to call, because hell, he is lonely. Making friends as a seven foot tall nearly mute kid isn’t easy, and after one of his classmates had decided to take the piss out of him and ended up being punched in the mouth most of his course just avoids him. But he can't shake the feeling this is some kind of joke. What kind? arrange to meet up and not show? string him along for a while before laughing in his face, telling everyone every embarrassing thing he'd said? Christ, maybe he's just looking for an easy fuck and picked someone who looked desperate. 

He crumples the paper into a ball, tossing it at his cluttered desk. It bounces off a pachimari figure, rolling away to blend in with a pile of wrappers. It's safer not to bother, the guy would probably go looking for another target soon enough.

He has a few days of peace, resuming his usual pattern of classes, gym, home, with occasional pit stops along the way. Until walking out of classes one day he hears someone yell his name from across the courtyard. He doesn't turn to face the source, fists clenching in anticipation. He's braced for a fight by the time the off-rhythm footsteps catch up to him, the blond once again blocking his path. 

He still has that wide grin plastered over his face. It puts Mako on edge, waiting for the joke to fall.   
"Alright mate? Didn't uh, get any calls from you." He shifts from side to side, looking back at the direction he came from. Mako doesn't need to look to know his friends are there, probably egging him on. 

He shrugs, looks around for an escape route. The guy, Jake? Jack? doesn't seem discouraged. "So uh, you doing anything right now? We're going to macca's, wanna come?" Right, of course. Watch him eat, mock his weight.   
The hurt is familiar, but like fuck is he showing any kind of reaction. No point in giving the kid any other ammo. "No." is all he says, sidestepping and walking away. Or he would, if the fucker wasn't following him. "You sure? We can go somewhere else if ya want."   
He follows him all the way to the parking lot, seemingly taking Mako's silence as an invitation to continue talking. He keeps rambling until they make it back to his bike, Mako throwing his bag into the case on the back. 

Jamie made an excited noise, circling the bike and running fingertips over the metal. "Oh man, this is a beaut." He giggled as Mako started the engine. "You really goin'? All right." He stepped away from the bike. "Call me, yeah?" Mako didn't answer, just drove away. 

It occurred to him a few minutes later that he hadn't seen the guy’s friends anywhere near the parking lot. Weird.   
The next two weeks have him on edge. The guy, Jamison, who keeps reintroducing himself like Mako might have forgotten, is everywhere. He can’t walk across campus without the guy running over, telling him about plans he and his friends have, inviting him along. Mako’s glad he’s trained himself to not show reactions, to keep his face as still as a mask because this is really throwing him off balance. He keeps skipping training sessions because the guy seems to have figured out his usual schedule, showing up and watching him wrestle with that same weird expression on his face. Probably trying not to laugh. It’s bad enough that other people have noticed, Zarya asking him who he is, Mei glaring at him from across the ring. He suspects there’s a history there, but asking only got him some angry mumbling about a science project, Papier-Mache, and who the hell gives a ten-year-old access to fireworks anyway. 

He nearly dies when they end up changing in the locker room at the same time. He faces the wall, acts like he can’t feel those orange eyes burning into him as he pulls off his shirt. The guy makes a strangled noise, probably stifling the high pitched giggles he’s heard more than once. He doesn’t look back until he hears Jamison pulling off his own shirt. It’s a brief glance over, but gives him enough to think about when he looks away. He’s wearing some kind of crop top, has more muscle than he’d expected, and not a scrap of fat on him. 

Jamie starts talking once they leave the gym, asking if he wants to get some junk food with him, if he’s always hungry after a workout too. “Should probably cut down on the fries though, I’m already putting on weight.”   
“Fucking where?” It breaks through his silence, sounding more bitter than he wanted. He takes a deep breath before shrugging, trying to seem like he doesn’t care. Like looking at Jamison doesn’t make him uncomfortably aware of his own size in comparison. “You look like skin and bone to me.”   
Jamie blinks at him for a second, grin widening before he covers his face, howling with laughter. “You been looking much?” Shit. He’s slipping, he knows better than to comment on another guys looks, had spent years taking punches whenever he forgot. He looks away, makes sure his face is neutral before shaking his head. The laughter lessens, but the occasional giggle still erupts as Jamie walks him back to his bike.   
He’s still grinning when Mako climbs onto it, starting the engine. “I’ll see you tomorrow yeah? And y’know, feel free to gimme a ring before.” He waves as the bike pulls away, quickly fading into the distance as Mako heads for home. 

When he gets back he searches for the paper ball that has Jamie’s number. He flattens it out, stares at it for about twenty seconds before screwing it up again. No. He still didn't know what game they’re trying to play. Part of him suspects this is a longer version of the usual ‘ask him out for a laugh’ but something feels off about it, and the confusion is almost worse than dealing with the usual bullshit. Maybe he’s being paranoid and Jamie does just want to hang out. 

He sits down heavily on his bed, running a hand though his hair. Would it be worth calling him just to see? Jamison talking to him has to be the most conversation he’s had in... shit, since he moved out here. 

He's halfway through dialling the number when he stops, thinking back to the looks, the laughter, the bastard pointing him out that day at the gym. He tosses the number back at the desk, throws his phone on his bedside shelf. He’s smarter than this, just because the guy was more persistent than he'd expected didn't mean he should get his hopes up.


	2. Chapter 2

It doesn’t take long for him to get used to it. Jamie will follow him around between classes, sit with him at lunch. He’ll keep inviting him to places, meals, one of Lucio’s concerts, to hang out at Hana’s and play video games. Mako refuses them all, can’t drop the lingering thread of paranoia that this is all a setup. But he’ll answer some of Jamie’s questions, talk with him for a while. Everything he says is still carefully crafted, nothing that can be used against him when it all goes sour. Jamie still laughs at him more often than not, but at this point he’s beginning to suspect Jamie can’t go an hour without at least giggling at something. It’s not so bad.  
They spend a lot of evenings in the gym, Jamie watching Mako’s wrestling practice then joining him for a general workout. He wasn’t training as hard, focusing more on looking muscular than actually building strength. The way he kept commenting on Mako’s lifting was making him a little uneasy. He seemed impressed by how much he could lift, kept touching his arms to feel the muscle. Mako had suggested that Jamie try lifting heavier weights, he could probably build muscle just as easily. Jamie had just shaken his head with a grin, giving his arm another squeeze before getting back to work.  
They ended up staying late one evening, the gym slowly emptying out until they were the only two left. Mako lay on his back, bench pressing heavy weights. His arms were starting to ache from the strain, sweat beading on his forehead. Jamie sat next to him, watching him as he lifted his own weights, a small pair of dumbbells. He was telling a story about some asshole who’d nearly torn a car apart in the garage trying to fix a simple problem when something occurred to Mako. 

“Why do you use two weights?”  
Jamie paused mid-sentence, blinking at him in surprise. “What?  
Was that a stupid question? It didn’t make sense to him. “I mean, why work out with your metal arm?” Jamie’s still staring at him, like he can’t figure out why he’s asking. Was it that obvious? Great, now the guy thought he was stupid as well. Jamie gestured to the skin on his upper arm. “It’s not all metal, same for the leg. Gotta keep what’s left working right.” He paused, laughed a little at the unintended joke.  
Mako nodded, continued lifting as he waited for Jamie to continue his story. He didn’t, Jamie instead dropping his weights on the floor and stretching. “Think I’m done for the night.” He crossed his legs, hands resting on the ground. “You staying much later?” Mako shook his head, he couldn’t keep going for much longer. Jamie hummed to himself for a moment, fingers tapping on the carpet. “You dating anyone?” This again? There wasn’t anybody that desperate. “No.”  
And it’s like Jamie’s suddenly remembered he’s meant to be a tormentor, moving to sit closer to him. “Really? Woulda thought you’d be beating people off with a stick.” He goes quiet for a minute, staring at the floor. “You into dudes?” 

Mako freezes, memories of a thousand jeering taunts running though his head. How did people always know? He didn’t let himself do anything that might give it away. Jamie leans closer, places a hand on Mako’s chest. Mako forces himself to breath steadily, like he can’t feel the heat of Jamie’s hand burning through his shirt. The hand twitches, Jamie shifting awkwardly. “Cause it’s just you and me here and we could be having a really great time in the showers right now.” There’s a long pause where Mako actually considers it. He’s almost ready to nod when Jamie giggles, immediately covering his mouth to try and stop the sound.  
Of course, of fucking course this is still a game. Any reaction is gonna get him laughed at, rumours spreading like wildfire until he can’t walk into the changing room without being harassed. Until he can’t so much as look at another guy without someone yelling that he’s a pervert, until he gives up and just starts skipping classes again. 

He remains stony, ignoring Jamie’s hand running over his chest, not even blinking when the other hand strokes across his thick thigh. Jamie leans forward, orange eyes staring down at him, and he thinks for a moment that Jamie’s going to push it further, try and force a reaction out of him.  
The tension in the air is almost palpable, and knowing Jamie can feel his heart pounding isn’t helping matters. Jamie breaks it as he suddenly laughs, high pitched and nervous. “Just kiddin’ with ya.” He slaps Mako’s stomach, watches it jiggle and that’s it, Mako wants to snap the skinny fuck in half, beat him to a pulp, anything to stop the giggles coming from the smaller man as he gives Mako’s stomach another prod. Fuck the joke, fuck whatever this guy had planned. Everyone has a plan, something to screw him over and he’s sick of it. 

He drops the weights, Jamie flinching at the loud sound. Mako sits up, stares him dead in the eyes. “Get in the ring.”  
“Eh?” He’s still giggling and it makes Mako want to punch him in the mouth. “Why?”  
“We’re going to fight.” Jamie stops giggling, staring at him with wide eyes. He watches as Mako slowly climbs to his feet, confusion clear on his face. Mako looks down, shrugs. “Let’s go.” 

And that seems to spark something electric in Jamie, he inhales sharply, scrambling to his feet. He’s grinning as he runs into the ring. “C’mon then!” Mako follows more slowly, cracking his knuckles before entering the ring. Jamie raises his fists, and Mako can tell from a glance he can’t punch properly.  
He swings first, and Jamie dodges back He’s faster than Mako had expected, either dodging or blocking most of his hits. His moves were sloppy, he didn’t feel like a trained fighter, and Mako briefly wondered if he got into a lot of fights. Jamie jumped forward, swinging wildly and hitting Mako in the chest. It didn’t really hurt, Mako was used to taking punches, could take hits like that for hours without feeling anything. 

He reaches out, grabs Jamie’s arm on the next swing, yanking him close and throwing a solid punch into his stomach. Jamie groans, staggers backwards and Mako feels a weird shiver up his spine as he realises his fist’s almost as wide as Jamie’s entire torso. He watches as Jamie runs a hand over his stomach, breaths deep. “Not so hard mate.” 

Mako growls, watches Jamie shiver in response. He'd seen Mako fight before, knew what he was getting into. He blocked the next few punches sent his way, grabbing Jamie by his ratty t-shirt and throwing him to the mat. He let out another groan, making Mako's blood burn as he drops to straddle him, grabbing his skinny wrists and pinning him to the mat.He watches the blond gasp for air, leaning forward and resting his weight on the smaller man. Not all of it, not enough to crush him, but enough to make sure he knew he wasn't moving. Jamison's just staring at him now, sweat on his forehead as he tries to move, wriggling like it'll force Mako off. He leans forward, putting their faces only inches apart. "Had enough?" 

He watches Jamie shudder, manic grin covering his face. "Not yet mate." He raises his head, and for a brief second Mako thinks he’s about to get bitten. The sound of the door jolts them both out of the moment, looking over to see Lucio entering the room. He raises an eyebrow, seeing the two of them on the floor. "You having trouble there?" Jamie's head hits the floor with a quiet thunk, and he mumbles a curse under his breath. "All fine here mate."  
"Hana's waiting for you outside, says it's important." Another curse before he scrambles to sit up. “I’ll be out in a bit, little busy right now.” Mako leans back, noticing the concerned look on Lucio’s face as he shrugs, pulling out his phone. “I can wait.” 

Jamie sighs, climbs to his feet. He looks down at Mako like he’s thinking of something to say but eventually just turns away, leaving the ring and storming out of the room. Mako watches him go. The anger’s passed, and he's not sure what to do with the adrenaline running through him anymore. He could have really hurt Jamie, would have if not for the interruption. 

His view of the door is suddenly blocked by Lucio, leaning against the ropes and looking down at him." Hey, feel we should have a talk about you and Jamie." His smile seems forced, and he looks back at the door nervously. " I think it might be better if this whole thing you two have going on stops."  
Mako’s mind stalls for a few seconds before he figures out what's happening. Jamie must have had this guy waiting outside in case he got his ass kicked. He still wasn't entirely clear on what their problem with him was, but it looks like this guy's willing to call it off. 

"What is this 'whole thing'?" He asks, watching the guy glance back at the door again. Jamie's probably waiting out there, ready to pull him out if things go south.  
"I'll be honest, I'm not sure myself." Huh, so maybe this whole thing was on Jamison. "But it looks like it's gonna end with people getting hurt, and I'm trying to avoid that." Mako can respect that, is glad someone’s going to stop them before they get too caught up in this.  
He shrugs, stands. He's gotta be nearly two feet taller than Lucio, and they both seem to notice at the same time. "So what, you’ll stop him talking to me?" Lucio nods, moving back slightly.  
"Won't let you anywhere near him." 

There's something off here, maybe the fight shook this guy up enough that he's willing to stop Jamie, but it feels like he's still missing something. "Fine." Is all Mako responds with, not bothering to hit the showers before heading for the locker rooms, quickly changing and heading outside.  
It’s cold, and he pauses for a second, shivering in the night air. He can hear Jamison's voice from somewhere nearby, loud and screeching as he argues with someone, probably Hana. He sounds genuinely upset, and Mako pauses for a moment, listening in. "Everything’s going fine! You can’t-"  
Hana cuts him off, and Mako’s surprised at the anger in her voice. "I'm just saying that maybe you should find someone else to obsess over." 

Yep, looked like the other two had it covered. He kept walking, heading for the parking lot. He could still hear Jamie shouting as he reached his bike, too far off to make out any words. He must be really pissed about being told to stop talking to him. Mako climbed onto his bike, starting the engine. Tomorrow everything would be back to normal. Back to everybody leaving him alone.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's my birthday today but this chapter is my gift to all of you~  
> (I'm so sorry for how long this took, real life has been very demanding lately)

Two weeks after the fight and he's gone back to completely blanking Jamie, pretending he can’t see that the guy is still staring at him. There’s a new expression he has now, a lowered head and pout combination that brings the term ‘kicked puppy’ to mind, even if he looks more like some kind of injured rodent. Mako can’t figure out what did he has to be sad about. Yeah he didn’t get a chance to whatever hilarious prank he was probably planning, but it’s not like there aren’t other people around the college who would fall for him.  
Whenever Lucio or Hana notice them looking at each other they pull Jamie away. Mako can hear them whispering to just ‘forget about him’ and some very pointed comments from Hana about what an asshole he is. He wishes Jamie would respond to one of them, to hear what he thinks about the whole situation. Because some part of him is still hoping this is a misunderstanding, that Jamie wasn’t just planning to screw him over.  
It’s not that Mako misses him. By now he’s just used to the others presence. The breaks between lectures seem more boring now he’s back on his own, waiting for class to start. Jamie hasn’t been showing up at the gym either, and even at the distance they keep Mako can see his muscles becoming less defined, softening out.  
He shouldn't worry, it wasn't his problem. But maybe, it would be worth letting him know he was still free to come into the gym sometimes. The guy had seemed so proud of his appearance, Mako had seen him posing in front of the changing room mirrors often enough.  
Whenever he was at home he was sickeningly aware of the phone number, still crumpled on his desk. He's thrown it away twice, determined to just forget about the whole ordeal and get on with his life. Then, he’s pull it back out because he if could just call, maybe they could figure things out. Then he'd crumple it, throw it on his desk, and lie down for an hour or so, trying not to think about it. 

It was after one of the nights he’d spent lying awake, running everything over in his head despite knowing he really should just stop thinking about it that he got on his bike, too tired to notice the weird noise coming from his motor until he was halfway to the campus. He revved the engine, hoping it would knock something back into place, bit just made the noise louder, the rattling following him as finished his journey. He stopped the bike, crouching next to it to stare at the engine. He knew some basic bike repair, but this was beyond him.

He knew some of the mechanics students did repairs, he'd taken his bike in for minor fixes before. He could take it in after his lecture, see if they could do anything before going somewhere that would probably try to charge him as much as possible for what might just be a minor problem. He couldn't afford much when it came to the bike. His parents hated it, kept trying to convince him to sell it and get a bus pass, even though the whole reason he'd insisted on having a bike was to avoid the bus.

He had hated getting the bus to school. He'd always gotten a double seat to himself, simply because there wasn't room for another person to sit next to him, but he'd still been surrounded by bored kids who had nothing better to do but harass him for the entire trip. The bus driver did nothing until he smashed a kid's face against the window, knocking out a couple of teeth. 

After that he was forced to sit behind the driver, right at the front. It didn't stop things being thrown at him, and if anything hit the driver she'd stop the bus, demanding to know who'd been littering. Those times they could end up being nearly half an hour late back, and it was almost worth getting hit by things just to get the journey over with.

So he'd saved up to buy a bike, earning minimum wage hauling boxes in a warehouse after school. His parents had refused to help pay for it, convinced he'd end up in an accident, or in some kind of gang. He'd bought it to college with him, thankful he didn't need to redo any driving tests. He liked being able to get around without relying on other people, and being able to avoid interacting with overly friendly strangers at the bus stop was always a bonus. 

He stood up straight, giving the leather seat a pat before leaving the bike and heading for his classes. 

\-----

Mako didn't believe in fate. Didn't believe in destiny either. The only thing he really believed in at this point was that the universe was constantly trying to screw him over.

Which is why he drove into the garage to find the place completely deserted except for Jamie. He didn't look up when Mako first entered, too focused on whatever he was building at one of the workbenches. For a brief moment he considered just turning around and driving away. Nobody would know. He could come in on one of the days Jamie was working in the labs, get his bike fixed and drive far enough away that they'd never cross paths again.

The sound of his engine caught Jamie's attention, shoving whatever he'd been working on into a backpack before turning to face him. When he saw Mako his face lit up, grin splitting his face apart. "What do we have here?" He jumped up from his chair, stumbling slightly before making his way over to Mako. "You miss me?"  
Mako doesn't answer. He hasn't, but he's not gonna tell that to a guy he's about to ask a favour from. He looks away from the hopeful gaze, down at the bike. "Engine's making a weird sound. You do repairs?" Jamie's grin fades slightly, hands twitching before it comes back at full force. "Sure mate." He grabs a toolbox before crouching next to the bike. He listens to it run, looking over the engine with the most serious expression Mako's ever seen on him. He nods to himself before collapsing into a cross-legged pose on the grimy floor. "Turn it off, I'll have a look." 

Mako kills the engine, stepping away from the bike to watch the repairs. Jamie starts talking straight away, filling the silence as if they haven't agreed to stay away from each other. It feels more familiar than it should, and it hurts to realise he's missed this, just sitting and letting Jamie ramble about whatever comes into his head. 

Mako stands awkwardly for a few minutes, watching him work on the engine before giving up and sitting down next to him. Jamie flashes him a quick grin before looking back at the bike. Mako feels the need to say something, anything that'll either bring them closer or let him walk away. "Haven't seen you at the gym lately." He wants to slap himself, of course he hasn't seen a guy who's keeping his distance. This is exactly why he stays quiet. 

Jamie pulls part of his engine out, turning it in his hands. "Figured you didn't want me there." Mako watches him slowly dismantle it, distracted by how dexterous his hands are. "You're still allowed to go. I'm not gonna stop you." Jamie doesn't answer and Mako looks around the workshop, praying for someone else to come inside so he doesn't have to deal with this. 

"Did I do somethin' wrong?" 

The soft tone catches his attention. He looks down at Jamison, who's staring at the floor, arms folded. The engine part lies in front of him. "Cause you're acting like I have but," He shrugs, trails off. Mako isn't sure if he did do something, torn between the part of his brain that's still certain this is some kind of joke, and the other half that insists he's being paranoid. He sighs, shoulders slumping. "What do you want?"  
Jamie looks up at him, eyes wide. "Y'know, I wanna be mates and stuff." He flinches as Mako tenses. "And, y'know, maybe a bit more. Don't think I can get much clearer than 'Hey mate! lemme blow you in the showers" Mako glances around the room again, what kind of idiot said things like that in public?  
The memory of the night at the gym still stings, it's the main reason he still suspects this is all a joke. "You said you were kidding." And laughed at him, but there's no point letting him know how much that hurt. Jamie just shrugs, reassembling the part with a series of solid clicks. 

"Well yeah, I was basically throwing myself at you and you were just ignoring me. I figured maybe, you weren't into it, and that you might beat the shit out of me for it. So I chickened out." He shoves the part back into place, glancing back at Mako before screwing it back on. "Were we uh, actually fighting? 'Cause Lucio's pretty sure you were gonna kill me." 

Mako can still remember the anger coursing through him, how the hell could he think they weren't actually fighting? "I think if he hadn't interrupted, I might have really hurt you.” Jamie merely blinks in surprise. "Oh. Probably best he came in then, I was just about to kiss ya." There's a long pause, Jamie pulling out another part of the bike to take apart. He hums as he works, like he hasn't just said anything weird.

Mako's desperately trying not to freak out. Yeah Jamie'd leant up at the end of their fight, but he'd figured it was for a headbutt, or a bite. Who the hell tried to kiss their opponent? "You serious?" Jamie nods, seemingly preoccupied with the bike. Mako's not even sure what he's felling anymore, what would he have done? Punched him, kissed him back, he isn't sure. "Why?" 

Jamie looks back at him, head tilted in confusion. "I thought it was like, playfighting, an excuse to get all pressed up against each other." He shrugs, keeps working on the engine. "Do you just not like me? 'Cause I thought things were goin' pretty well with us bein' mates. If you don't want me flirting with you anymore I won't, but if you got such a problem with a guy loving you then-"

"You don't love me." Mako interrupts. He knows he's not the sort of person people can love and he hates that he'd being lied to again. Jamie lets out a shrill giggle, covering his face with his metal hand. "Too early for that? Fine. I like you a lot and I'm tryin' to be mates and you're being a right wanker about it. What's your problem?"

If he didn't suspect the guy would mistake it for flirting Mako would deck him. He sighs instead, trying to keep calm. Trying not to show how much this is getting to him. "My problem is that you keep laughing at me, acting like you want to date me, and you won't stop staring at me." 

"Course I'm fucking staring, have you seen yourself?" And that cuts deep enough to make him slip, hurt flickering across his face before he forces the neutral expression back on. Jamie notices though, looking at him with slow realisation dawning on his face. "You think I'm makin' fun of you?" 

Mako opens his mouth, ready to deny it. But he can see the gears turning in Jamie’s head, going over everything that’s happened these past few weeks. No point lying to someone who’s already figured out the truth. He slowly nods, giving up on trying to keep his emotions of his face. He doesn’t know what Jamie’s picking up on, but he looks as shocked as Mako feels. “Yeah. I do.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @skullopendra Thanks for the advice on starting new paragraphs! I hope it makes this chapter easier to read. 
> 
> There is, an awful amount of talking in this one

The garage is silent. There might be noise outside, but it’s muffled, the patch of oil-stained concrete all the two men can focus on. They both watch each other try and figure out the next step. Mako doesn’t know what to say, can’t take the painful admittance back. It feels like he’d skipped ahead somewhere, that he should still be back home debating whether to call. 

"Mate." Jamie's voice is the softest Mako's ever heard it. "I wouldn't do that." 

He's lying. That's what Mako's instincts are screaming at him. But, the concern on Jamie’s face is clear. He looks, almost hurt, that Mako would think that of him. "Why'd you think I was?" 

Mako shrugged, looking away from Jamie's intense gaze. Because of course it was a joke, people like him didn't just get asked out, didn't deserve to. He suddenly has a desperate urge to leave, to just abandon the bike and run back home. "You just, came out of nowhere and asked me out." 

Jamie kept staring at him, nodding slowly. "'Course I did, I wasn't gonna just sit around pining for you. I mean, I kinda ended up doing that anyway but at least I thought you knew how I felt." 

He shuffles closer, reaching out for Mako's shoulder before pausing, so close Mako can see how chipped the black nail varnish he wears is. "Can I?" Mako stares at the hand for a moment, can see the slight tremor running through it. 

He reaches out, takes hold of the hand and moves it between them, holding it in his own. Jamie makes a high surprised gasp before entwining their fingers. "Guess it was kinda sudden but ya can't tell me you don't get that a lot." 

"I've had random people ask me out before, and every time it was because some prick thought it was funny to ask the ugly fat kid on a date. You're the first person to ever seriously ask me out." 

Jamie scoffs, looking highly offended. "What the hell? Did nobody at your school have any taste?" He grips Mako's hand tighter, practically fuming. "Bet everyone else who actually liked ya was just too scared to ask."

He sighs, free hand scratching at the back of his neck. "Not like I don't get it though, high school's full of wankers. I wasn't the most popular guy myself. Like, I'm weird, and I'm missing two limbs, and I'm gay and I-" 

He suddenly looks uneasy, quickly glancing around the room before staring at the floor. "And I came out as a guy halfway through highschool." He looks back up, nervous grin shrinking at Mako's confused expression. 

"I'm transgender. And a lot of people at my school weren't too wild about it." He shrugs, looking away. "Now most people don't guess and I only tell people if I want to." He sighs, gripping Mako's hand almost painfully. "Better I tell ya now than when we, if we get together." 

A lot of things suddenly click into place. Mako hadn't realised, too wrapped up in his own paranoia to realise something that hadn't really been hidden from him in the first place. 

Jamie's tight grip on his hand is starting to hurt, and he can feel the tension grow as he waits for a reaction. 

"Got no problem with it." It's not enough, Jamie still watching him warily. He doesn't know how to do this, his only knowledge of relationships coming from the box of cheap romance novels he keeps hidden under his bed. According to those he should be brooding somewhere, maybe jumping into a lake, or making some long, passion-filled speech about their love. 

Mako's no good at talking, can't think of the words to express how much it means to him that he's been trusted with this. He looks down at their clasped hands. At least he seems to be doing okay with physical affection. He ducks his head, raising their hands and pressing a light kiss to Jamie's knuckles. "Thanks for telling me." 

Time hangs for a moment where Mako thinks he's done something right before Jamie bursts into a loud cackle. Mako drops Jamie's hand like it burns, covering his face. Fuck, what the hell was he thinking?

He's pushing himself to his feet when Jamie pounces, wrapping arms around his neck and tackling him to the floor. Mako grunts as his back hits the solid concrete, the pain of the impact leaving him stunned. Jamie clings to him, face pressed into his chest while he's still wheezing with laughter. "Holy shit mate." 

Mako had sometimes wondered how me was going to die. He'd always suspected it would be from a bike accident, or a fight gone too far. But now he knows, he's going to die of shame on the floor of an autoshop while Jamie laughs at him.

Jamie fights to start breathing normally, sound muffled as he presses his face further against Mako's shirt. "Crikey." He gasps through breathless giggles. "Wouldn't have pegged you as such a bloody romantic." 

Mako pushes himself into a sitting position, frowning as Jamie stays where he is. "Shut up." Jamie looks up at him, giggles finally fading out.  
"What? I'm not sayin' that's a bad thing, just didn't expect it." He shifts to be more comfortable in Mako's lap. "I'm just, really glad you're alright with everything. And you kissing my hand was cute." 

This close Mako can easily see the blush on his cheeks. Jamie shifts again, straddling Mako's hips and no, this is a bad idea, anyone could walk in and see them like this. 

He stands, Jamie clinging to his shoulders. He's light enough that Mako can take his weight without issue, his feet hovering a few inches above the floor. Jamie looks delighted, swinging his legs and accidently kicking Mako in the shins. "Sorry mate, 's just, you're really adorable." 

"Shut up!" It comes out more flustered than angry, and Mako prays that he doesn't look half as embarrassed as he feels. The grin on Jamie’s face makes him suspect he does. "Get off me for a minute." Jamie lets go, stumbling slightly as he hits the floor. He takes an exaggerated step backwards, folding his arms as he waits. 

Mako takes a deep breath, schooling his face into its usual neutral expression. He can't let Jamie affect him this much, he doesn't want anyone thinking he's anything other than a stone cold bastard. Especially doesn't want anyone knowing he's gay. He's not sure he can handle that kind of torment again.

"Oi." Jamie waves at him. "Don't start shuttin' me out again, yeah?" Mako nods. "So what's wrong?" 

Would it be fair? to ask Jamie to keep quiet about this? Probably not, and if they started hanging out together in a way that wasn't clearly Jamie just following him about people would probably guess. Jamie, isn’t subtle. Mako's seen him wearing at least five different shirts that loudly proclaimed his sexuality, most of them in the form of blowjob puns. 

He can feel Jamie's gaze on him, waiting for a response. He sighs, scratching at his neck. "I just, need some time to think about this." Jamie steps backward again, dropping into a cross-legged pose next to the bike. He grabs hold of an engine part, wiping some oil from it before turning back to Mako. "You wanna stay here?" 

Mako nods, sitting down next to him. He doesn't like how exposed he feels here, in the centre of the large garage. He draws his limbs close, halfway to just curling into a ball. He moves slightly so his back's leaning against his bike, so at least he has some barrier left.  
He closes his eyes, listens to the quiet clink of metal as Jamie works. Thinking about it, now he looks back at their interactions without the veil of mistrust, he could like Jamie. And Jamie, for some reason, seemed to like him. Trusted him enough to tell him he was- His eyes open, watching Jamie focus on his work. He’s humming something, an upbeat tune Mako doesn’t recognise. 

"Hey." Jamie's head snapped towards him, a hopeful smile on his face. Made Mako's chest hurt just looking at him. Didn't he realise he could do better? He was weird, but he wasn't a complete asshole. And he could always pick someone up on his looks alone. Didn't help that Mako was starting to realise how much Jamie did like him. God, he's such an asshole. "Can I ask you something?" 

"Anything." 

"Even, about the transgender thing?" Jamie shrugs, trying to hide the discomfort clear in his body language. "So long as it's not something gross about what's between my legs. I know I've been trying to get your face there for the past month but-" He keeps talking, unheard by Mako. Shit, that was- not something he should be thinking about in public. 

"No." It came out more aggressive than he meant, Jamie's rambling crashing to a halt. "Was just wondering, why Jamison?" Jamie just stared at him, face strangely neutral. Was that a weird thing to ask? He was just curious. 

Jamie stares down at the wrench he’s holding, spins it in his hands. "After my grandpa." He sighs, dropping the tool to the floor. "He was a great guy, taught me how to make fireworks in his garage." He smiled, looking lost in memory. "Kept making them right up until he died. Happened before I came out, dunno how he would have felt about me taking his name." 

Mako has no clue how to respond. All his grandparents were either alive or had died before he was even born. He'd never lost anyone that close to him. "I'm sorry." 

Jamie just shrugged. "Nah, don't be. Reckon he had some idea of who I was, didn't seem to mind." His head tilted in thought. "What's Mako about anyway? Thought it was a Japanese name." 

"It's Maori. My family's mixed, but my mum wanted me to have a traditional name." Parts of his family were more traditional than others, a few of his cousins proudly wearing Ta Moko, while others tried to disconnect themselves from it as much as possible. He doesn't have much to do with it himself, much as his mother tried to get him to learn about their people. 

"Huh. What's it mean though?" 

"Shark." 

Jamie cackled. "Suits you! Did ya mum know you were going to grow into a big scary bastard?" 

"I'm not that scary." If he was people wouldn't they to fuck with him as much. Jamie just grinned, going back to work on the bike. Mako watched him piece the engine back together, thinking back over the past few weeks. "You don't act scared of me." 

"Doesn't mean I don't know you could fuck me up if you wanted. 'Course, that's part of the appeal." He giggled to himself, trying to cover his mouth and smearing engine grease over his face. 

"You've got some weird tastes." Like's he's one to talk, watching Jamie trying to wipe the grease off and only smearing it further. 

"Yeah, but it just means I get all the hot guys to myself." He winks at Mako, tightening the final engine part. "Bikes all fixed up, start your engine." 

Mako stands up and starts it. The engine growls, sounding better than it has in a long time. Almost like new. "Thanks. What do I owe you?" 

Jamie leans back, grin on his face moving from proud to shit-eating. "How 'bout a kiss?" 

Mako stops himself from smiling, face barely twitching. There's something endearing about how hard Jamie tries. "I was thinking cash." 

The grin drops for a second before settling into a relaxed smile. "Don't worry about it, 's on the house." 

"You sure? I could buy you lunch or something." Jamie brightened instantly, sitting up as straight as he can and looking at Mako like he's just offered an engagement instead of a sandwich. 

"Yeah I- Oh! I'm meeting Lucio and Hana for lunch, you wanna come with us?" He's almost shaking with excitement. Mako doesn't bother pointing out that they both think he's an asshole. They'd probably end up spending time together through Jamie at some point anyway, may as well get it over with

"Sure."


	5. Chapter 5

Mako is still in a mild state of disbelief as he climbs onto his bike. In the span of about half an hour he’s not only managed to patch things up with Jamie, but has somehow gotten to date him. He turns to help Jamie get into place behind him, Jamie’s hands briefly wandering over his thighs before settling to grip the back of his belt.

“Alright, think I’m ready.”

“I’ll drive slow.” Mako promises, starting the engine. “Where are you meeting them?”  

“The Macca’s by the roundabout.”

It isn’t far, but Mako’s heart is racing by end of the short ride. He wasn’t sure of the route so Jamie moved, sitting up taller and wrapping his arms around Mako’s chest so he could give instructions.

He spots Hana and Lucio as they enter the carpark, sitting at an outside table in the sun and laughing together. Their smiles fade as they see the bike, Jamie waving cheerfully at them as they drive past.

He jumps off the bike as soon as they park, holding out his hand. Mako stares at it for a moment before looking up at Jamie’s face. He looks suddenly unsure, pulling his hand back. “Do you not wanna be public about this?”

Mako thinks it over. The thought of people finding out, of having to face that kind of harassment again sends a sharp spike of panic through him. His hand trembles as he grabs his bag, deliberately not looking at Jamie.

“I think we should keep it private for now.”

Jamie nods, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Gotcha.” He seems unfazed, keeping close to Mako as they cross the carpark. Their arms brush together every few steps and it makes Mako feel as elated as he is nervous, gaze flicking around the seating area to make sure nobody is paying them too much attention.

Jamie drops into a seat at Lucio and Hana’s table with a bright “G’day!” Mako sitting next to him, silently nodding at the other two. Lucio’s gaze switches between the two of them, looking worried. Hana’s gaze doesn’t move from Mako, glaring daggers at him.

“Hey.” There’s a forced lightness to Lucio’s tone, along with a smile that doesn’t match the concern in his eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Me’n Mako had a bit of a chat, and now we’re right proper mates. Right?”

Jamie turns to smile at him and he nods back. Honestly, now he knows? It’s hard to see how he ever thought Jamie was making fun of him.

His gaze is downright adoring, smiling brightly at Mako who has to look away, trying not to fidget in his seat. He can’t blame the pair for being suspicious of him, but he’s pretty sure they’ll be even worse if they get the idea that he and Jamie are any more than friends.

“Really.” Hana doesn’t sound convinced. “You guys just talked away Mako trying to kill you in the gym?”

“It was a misunderstanding!” Jamie protests. “And he wasn’t gonna kill me, just, beat me up a little.” He sighs at the worried looks from the other two, jumping to his feet and tugging on Mako’s jacket. “C’mon, let’s go get some food.”

As soon as they step inside Jamie presses his hands to his face, muttering a string of curses under his breath. “Sorry mate, forgot how pissed off they were at you.”

“Don’t blame them, I did try to beat the shit out of you.” Mako does feel guilty about that. He’d avoided expressing any interest in guys out of fear of a violent reaction, and as soon as another guy decided to show any interest in him he’d nearly beaten the shit out of him. He was lucky Jamie didn’t see it that way, he’d hate to have put that fear into him. “Sorry for that.” 

“It’s fine. You aren’t gonna do it again.”

They stand together in the queue, looking up at the brightly coloured displays. Jamie leans against Mako’s arm, gesturing idly as he rattles off a long list of potential meals he might get, eventually deciding on chicken nuggets and a frozen fanta.

Mako takes a while longer, looking for any options he can actually eat. He usually just brings food from home to avoid the hassle of trying to find anything decent without meat. He settles for just getting some fries, trying not to wince as the server asks if he wants them with bacon.

Back at the table it seems like Hana and Lucio have decided to keep the conversation away from Jamie and Mako’s sudden friendship, instead talking about some comic convention they’re planning on attending in a few weeks.

“You wanna come with us?” Jamie looks hopeful, but Mako can feel the weight in the air as the other two wait for his response. They don’t want him there, and he doesn’t want to make the tension between them even worse.

“Not really into comics.” He mumbles, avoiding eye contact.

“It ain’t just comics, there’s a load of gaming stuff too. Hana’s gonna be doing one of her game pro things there.”

“I don’t think they’ll have the games I play there.”

Hana’s head snaps up from her phone. “What games do you play?”

It suddenly occurs to him there isn’t a single game he plays that isn’t horribly embarrassing to admit to. Unfortunately, he doesn’t know enough about hardcore games to make something up. Hana’s still waiting for a response, the most interested she’s seemed all conversation.

“Uh, simulator stuff mostly. Harvest Moon, Animal Crossing.”

Hana snorts, going back to her phone. “Casual.”

“You say that about anyone who doesn’t dedicate their lives to gaming.” Lucio teases. “We can’t all be starcraft gods.”

The conversation stays on gaming, Lucio complaining about the lack of any good new rhythm games, Jamie talking about the destruction he’s causing on some online server. Hana’s talking about some drama that happened with the group she plays with online when Jamie notices Mako’s done eating.

He holds his box of nuggets up to Mako, close enough Mako can smell them. “You want one?”  

Mako leans away, hoping he doesn’t look as disgusted as he feels. “No thanks. I don’t eat meat.”

Jamie yanks the box back, putting it on the table. “Sorry, Didn’t know that.” He looks down at it, nudging it around. "How come?"

"Used to work at a butchers.”

Cutting up dead animals had been bad enough, making him hyperaware of every piece of meat he ate, how all of it used to belong to a living creature.

But there'd also been trips to pick the bodies up from farms, intelligent animals watching him as he carted corpses to the van. He'd always felt they knew what he was doing, running away whenever he got too close to their fences.

He shuddered, remembering the screams of animals as they’d been dragged into the barn to be slaughtered.    

"Put me off meat for life. I don’t mind other people eating it though.”

 

Lucio and Hana have to leave soon after, both of them needing to get to afternoon lectures. They both tell Jamie to call them if he needs help, while Mako tries not to look like he knows they’re talking about the possibility that he does something to Jamie.

They stay at the table a little longer, Jamie finishing his drink. “You got any classes this afternoon?”

“Nah. You?”

“There was a chemistry class I was gonna crash, but nothing mandatory.”

“Crash?”

Jamie shrugs, looking embarrassed. “I’m not actually officially on any of the science courses, but I like to pop in every now and again. Turns out they never actually check who’s there and who isn’t.”

That explains the lab gear Mako’s seen him in a few times. “Why didn’t you just get onto a science course?”

Jamie mutters something, slouching in his seat. “Wouldn’t let me on. I barely scraped through highschool. I’m great at science, but I sure as hell can’t test well.” He’s quiet for a moment, looking sulky before shaking his head. “Anyway, do you want to hang out some more or do you wanna hurry home?”

“I’m in no rush.”

Jamie directs him away from the college, to a small park near the edge of the city. It’s empty, any kids who might usually play here stuck in school.

“Figured you might prefer being somewhere quiet.” Jamie comments as they sit on the swings. Mako nods, watching Jamie gently swing back and forth.

The early afternoon heat makes him a little uncomfortable but Jaime seems to bask in it, eyes closed as he soaks in the sun. He’s rambling about his mechanics class, but Mako’s only half listening, more focused on how Jamie emotes when he talks, one hand waving in the air while his prosthetic clings to the rusty chains of the swingset.

Mako’s eyes wander down, noting the hint of muscle in his arms, not as pronounced as it was before. He has to convince him to come back to the gym sometime, he misses the company.

Jamie’s shoulders are covered in light freckles, scattered around the straps of his bright orange tanktop. The muscles in his thighs are clear even through his black shorts, and Mako traces them with his eyes before settling his gaze on Jamie’s battered boots, currently carving lines into the dirt as Jamie drags them along the ground.   

“Mako?”

He jerks his head back up to look at Jamie’s face, realising he hasn’t been paying attention for a while. “Sorry. Zoned out a little.”

Jamie nods, looking a little put out. “What you thinking about?”

Mako glances around the park. Still empty except for them. Good.

“How great you look.”

Jamie makes a bizarre noise, covering his face. He leans backwards, giggles muffled. “Crikey, I can’t believe you-“

He suddenly yelps, sliding backwards off the swing. Mako’s a second too slow to stop him falling on his ass, but manages to catch the swing before it comes back to hit him in the face. “You okay?”

Jamie groans, pushing himself to his feet. “Yeah. Thanks mate.” He looks around the park. “You wanna sit somewhere else?”

They move to a small man-made hill, lying next to each other and staring up at the sky. It doesn’t take long before Jamie rolls onto his side, propping his head on his hand as he looks at Mako.

“Tell me some stuff about you. I feel like I barely know ya.”

Mako is silent for moment. He’s never liked being asked about himself, anything he could think of either too boring or too personal to talk about. He settles for boring.

“I’m from New Zealand. My family still lives there. I’m studying agriculture.”

“Yeah? Ya gonna be a farmer?”

“Plan is to run an orchard and keep show pigs. I’ll probably have to work for a long time to save up for the land though, it’s not cheap in New Zealand.”

Jamie nods, slight crease in his brow as he thinks. “You ever seen Lord of the Rings?” 

Mako chuckles, it seems like that’s all most people care to know about New Zealand. That and all the sheep. “Yeah, one of my cousins was in it so he put it on pretty much every time we went to his.”

They chat about families for a while, the differences between Mako’s (huge, several siblings and too many cousins to count) and Jamie’s (Small, just his mother and her mother, all living in the same house. Jamie doesn’t mention his dad. Mako doesn’t ask.) Until the late afternoon, when a bunch of kids start flooding the park.

They don’t stay for long after that, it’s hard to be comfortable when you’re surrounded by screaming kids.

Jamie sits up with an exaggerated stretch, grunting in pain as his back clicks. “I think I’m gonna head home.”

“You need a lift?” Mako pushes himself to his feet, watching Jamie jump up. How he moves so easily with a metal leg is beyond Mako, but he supposes he must have had a lot of practice. Maybe. He hasn’t asked about the prosthetics yet.

“Nah, I live pretty close, I’ll just walk it.” He fidgets awkwardly for a moment, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m really glad ya don’t hate me anymore.”

“Sorry for being an asshole.” Jamie tilts his head in confusion, and he guesses that wasn’t the answer he was expecting.

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Y’can make it up to me.” He winks before stepping back. “I’ll see ya tomorrow right?”

Mako nods, waiting until Jamie is out of sight before starting his bike, hoping he can figure out his way home from here.

\--

He stops at an Aldi on the way back, just to pick up some food for the week. He wasn’t intending to browse through the other items, but a bright orange plush catches his eye. It’s a mouse, or maybe a hamster? An orange blob with round ears and a mischievous grin. He picks it up, lightly squeezing it. It’s soft, and cute, and ends up in his basket.

He’ll have to take a picture to show Jamie.

His good mood is tarnished when he’s stuck waiting in the checkout queue, behind two collage aged kids who’ve decided the best way to avoid boredom is by seeing how far they can stick their tongues down each others throats.

Mako rifles through his basket so he doesn’t have to watch, checking he’s got enough food for the week, fingers skimming across the soft toy. He’s annoyed, but also a little jealous. He hates that he’s too scared to even hold hands with Jamie in public, but these two get to practically fuck each other over the checkout belt and nobody bats an eye. At least Jamie doesn’t seem bothered by it, accepting that he isn’t ready to go public just yet.

He finally gets to pay, hurrying out of the store and heading for his bike. He sighs when he sees the van parked in front of it, blocking him from leaving. As he gets closer he recognises the people inside, the two kids from earlier still all over each other. He growls, slamming a heavy hand on the hood. The loud bang makes them spring apart, staring at him in shock. He gestures for them to move, heading for his bike.

The van screeches into reverse, narrowly missing another car as it makes way for him. He can hear yelling from both vehicles, but isn’t interested in getting into an argument. He makes his escape, but the scowl on his face stays until he’s far out of sight.

By the time he makes it home he feels like garbage, dumping his shopping on the table and fishing out the plush before falling into bed. He lies there, toy clutched to his chest.

Does Jamie really not mind that he isn’t ready to be open in public yet? Is he just giving him a while to sort things out? Will he be upset if Mako never wants to go public?

He holds the plush above his head, looking into its eyes. At least if everything goes to shit he’ll have something to remember Jamie by.

He lets out a groan of frustration, burying his face in his pillow. He’s being stupid. Jamie said it was fine.

But the doubt still lingers in his mind. Maybe Jamie just said that because he was scared of starting another argument. Maybe Jamie’s at home feeling just as shitty because he thinks Mako doesn’t like him.

He wishes he could just shut off that part of his brain. He isn’t going to know until he asks, and he’s not going to see Jamie until tomorrow.

Unless…

He rises from his bed, searching his desk for a certain ball of paper.

He shoves aside class notes and rubbish, growing increasingly frantic the longer he searches. He hadn’t thrown it out, right? He kept taking it out of the bin every time he tried. He’s near panic when he finally spots it stuffed under one of his figures.

It’s covered in creases and stains from its frequent trips to the bin, but the number’s clear enough, hard ink lines carefully carving out each letter.

He types it into his phone, barely hesitating before hitting the call button. He’s perched on the edge of his bed, idly squishing the plush as he waits for an answer.

He’s disappointed when it rings out, leaving a default voicemail message.

Would it be clingy to text?

He types at least five different messages out, carefully making sure it doesn’t sound like he’s desperate or anything.

“Hey, it’s Mako. Thought you might want my number.”

At least Jamie would have his number if he decided to call back. And if not, they’d see each other tomorrow anyway. There’d be somewhere private on campus they could talk about it.   

The sudden blare of his ringtone makes him jump, nearly dropping his phone as he scrambles to answer it.

“Hello?”

There’s a clatter on the other end, and some distant cursing before a voice comes through. “Mako! Didn’t think you’d kept the number.”

Mako smiles, relaxing a little. Jamie sounds cheery enough. “Yeah. It’s been on my desk.”

There’s a squeak from the other end. “So… What’s up?”

“I was just wondering-“

It suddenly seems silly to ask. Not that the question is eating at him any less, but he doubts Jamie will tell him the truth.

“-Never mind. It’s nothing.”

For a long moment there’s just silence from the other end.

 “Y’sure?” He can hear Jamie moving about, the creak of a chair. “You don’t have to tell me, but don’t think you’re gonna scare me off or something. You won't get rid of me that easily.”

Mako sighs, he hadn’t managed to scare Jamie off when he was actively trying to be threatening, a question couldn’t do too much damage.

“Are you,” He pauses for a moment, searching for the best way to phrase it. “Upset? That I don’t want to be public with us.”

“Nope.” It’s surprising, he didn’t expect such a straightforward answer.  

“Are you sure? I mean, you’re pretty open about being gay, I thought maybe…”

“Yeah, but I’m mostly out because I can’t exactly pretend to be straight, you’ve met me.” 

Mako snorts. Honestly he thinks it’s kind of admirable, being so certain in himself. He tells Jamie so and gets a weak laugh in return.

“I dunno, I like being out and proud but sometimes,” He sighs. “It gets scary, and I wish I’d just stayed with everyone thinking I was a straight girl, y’know? Well, you don’t know that part, but I reckon most people think sometimes it would just be easier if they were just, whatever they were /supposed/ to be.” He’s quiet for a long moment, his quiet breathing all Mako can hear. “But you’re not gonna get rid of me that easily, world! Jamison Fawkes is here and there’s no-one to stop me now!”

There’s some distant shouting from Jamie’s end, too quiet for Mako to make out.

Jamie groans, leaning away from the phone as he yells back. “Alright, alright! Gimme a minute. Mako? I gotta go mate, see ya tomorrow?”

“Yeah. See you then.”

“Alright, Love ya!”

He hangs up before Mako has a chance to respond, not that he knew what he would have replied with anyway. His heart’s beating rapidly, and he can feel the soft smile spreading across his face.

This might turn out alright after all.


End file.
